Pregnancy free Christmas

For the last couple of weeks I have been unable to shake the feeling that I may be pregnant again. I have been experiencing certain things that I've only ever felt when I was in the family way. Indigestion, back pain in a certain area, the unrelenting feeling that I am going to throw my guts up, gagging every time I brush my teeth and of course the lack of a visit from Aunt Flo. I've also been plagued by extreme tiredness, but looking after two after two, working parttime and keeping up with the house (or at least trying to), I was not surprised to feel a wee bit fatigued.

Mr Pants expressed a desire for some hot crumpets tonight and I offered to go to the supermarket to purchase some as we also needed some milk, bread oh and possibly a pregnancy test.

It was the first time in my entire life I took a pregnancy test, in the countless number of pregnancy tests I've taken, that I wished it would be negative. Not that I wouldn't welcome another little one. A third (and final) child is definitely on the agenda - just not now. I am not emotionally, financially and physically ready for a third child. I haven't lost the weight from pregnancy #2 (or #1 for that matter). We'd need a bigger car and an extension on our home. I am sure my principal would be extremely pissed off too, considering I have just returned to work.

Anyway, I did the test a little while ago and it is undeniably negative. While I definitely felt instant relief I have to admit a tiny part of me felt a bit sad.

At least I can enjoy a couple of glasses of good red and/or champagne this Christmas. The last two Christmas's's's and New Years I've been pregnant.

But it does beg the question - why am I experiencing all these symptoms?

Rainy days and Mondays

Haven't had the inclination to blog lately. This time of year always seems to leave me feeling extremely lethargic, apathetic and depressed. Every. single. spring.

I am finding things that wouldn't ordinarily bother me, irritating me to extremes. Example. Our across the road neighbours have about 10 cars. They are a family with three adult children and each family member, including the parents, seem to have at least 2 vehicles each. They usually line each side of the road despite the fact that they have an extensive, concreted driveway which seems to be always clear. (Unless one of them is washing a car there with their bleeding Duff Duff music blaring). It makes backing out of the driveway quite difficult, especially when I have both boys in the back. I have a little car. It has started to really piss me off that I have to forward, turn the steering wheel, reverse and turn the steering wheel at least three times each every single time I back out my car that is practically matchbox sized.

Also, I had to order a newspaper from the day of JM's birth as the person who promised me they had kept their one for him in a very safe place (as I was kind of occupied on that day, otherwise I would have purchased one myself) finally told me they had thrown "that old thing' out weeks ago. I had to order one from Paperworld at a cost of $41. JA has the papers from his day of birth, and I am trying to nip the 'second child syndrome' thing in the bud. What you do for one, you have to do for the other.

There have been other minor events that have made my blood boil. I must try to consider how little these things are in scheme of things and get on with the important stuff but I am finding it difficult with my current state of mind.

Onto much nicer things.... My boys.

Both had a visit to the Maternal and Child health nurse yesterday. JA for his 18 - 21 month assesment, JM for his 4 month one. JA was given a series of tasks to complete (building a tower with four tiny, wooden blocks with no connectors, drawing, sitting, talking, pointing to facial features, turning pages in a book and pointing at things etc). He passed with flying colours but got very frustrated with nursey when he was enjoying one activity to have it taken away from him to perform another. His language is at a 2 year old level as he is now talking in sentences. Usually starting with "I WANT" though. hehehe.

JM is doing well. He is one centimetre taller than his brother was at a similar age, but is 300 grams lighter. He certainly doesn't seem to have the same appetite his brother had. She was a bit concerned about a little head lag when she pulled him up into a sitting position, but as he held his head well when on his tummy and when lifted she appeared to soften. She is lovely, but a bit of a panic merchant.

When I told her that the baby spends a lot of time in our bed, she started to scold me exclaiming I was creating a rod for my own back. JA co-slept with us until my pregnancy bump got too big and our bed couldn't accomodate the four of us. We got him sleeping in his cot in his own room in a week without having to use control crying, so I am ignoring her advice. They are babies for such a tiny moment - there is plenty of time for him to be in his own room. I want to drink in his innocent, baby gorgeousness as it is so fleeting. We still find it hard to fathom that our firstborn is already a walking, talking little man with a will of iron.

Scary night

Yesterday evening JM was running a temperature. He felt extremely hot to the touch and the thermometer was giving a number of different readings but they were all too high for my liking. I gave him baby panadol, stripped him to his singlet and nappy and took his temperature constantly hoping it would go down. I rang the Maternal and Child Health line and was told by the very lovely nurse that he was OK but to keep an eye on him. He was due a feed but wasn't interested and he seemed to become slightly floppy. My heart lept to my throat. It was 7.30pm and our GP was closed so I went straight to emergency at Sandy hospital, which thankfully is only a five minute drive away. Mr Pants stayed home with JA. (Poor JA - I was told later he was a bit disturbed at the speed of my departure and was asking for Mummy).

On arrival the triage nurse took his temperature and it had gone down significantly. She told me I could go home if I wanted but could stay and see a doctor in a while. I elected to stay just to be sure. We settled down in the waiting room where JM perked up considerably and was charming all the other would be patients. He then took his feed and fell asleep in my arms.

Three hours later and after some rather rough handling by the doctor, he was given the all clear.

It was only a minor incident but it scared the living heck out of me.

I hate it when my boys get sick. It tears my heart apart.

Stay safe little boys. xoxoxoxo

4 Months

Today, my darling child, you turn 4 months old. This last month you've really discovered your voice. You love to 'ahhhhhhh' and a-goo' in a sing song voice all times of the day and night. You especially love to give the old pipes a spin at around 3am which I don't mind. It's actually a lovely way for you to tell me you wouldn't mind a feed.

You have also started to really giggle, which to your Mum is the bestest sound in the entire world. The sound of your brother's laugher still makes my heart melt and now that you've discovered your funny bone it's all that I can stand. It is only I that can make you absolutely cack yourself. That makes your Mum feel very special.

I can't believe how mobile you've become. You are able to propel yourself by pushing with your legs, lordy son you're only 4 months old. I suppose you have mobility envy watching your brother tear around the place.

Yesterday we held a party in your honour. You were celebrated by your Mum and Dad's immediate family and dutifully fussed over and constantly told how utterly beautiful you are. Well deserved and all true. It was a hot day too and you held up well. Much baby head wetting went on but the only beverage on offer for you was milk. You didn't seem to mind though.

Love to you my little-er man. You are such a delight gorgeous one and very very loved. You aren't my tiny little baby anymore, but I am so enjoying getting to see and know your own personality. Your Dad, brother and I are so lucky to have you as a member of our family.

20 Months

Today my darling JA you turn 20 months old. Is it really only four short months away until you turn two? Didn't we just celebrate your first birthday which was a shock within itself?

This month you started child care, you've only attended three days so far. Days one and two went beautifully but you broke my heart on day three by crying as I was leaving. Thankfully you settled down eventually but I really had to will my legs to carry me out. We hope that all is well by the time I return to parttime work on the 15th of this month.

You are very protective of your baby bruffa aka brother. You tolerate other grown up type people handling him but heaven protect the child that dares venture near your younger sibling. Hell hath no fury and all that.

2004, the year in which you were born, was the year of the monkey and boy howdy are you ever. Ain't no piece of furniture, playground equipment or park high enough to keep you from climbing. Our shelves, even those well above your reach, are now devoid of any articles but packed away for their safekeeping. Although many a CD and DVD has given it's life to your curious explorations prior to the evacuation.

Your language continues to grow and now you are putting a couple of words together. For example, you say "Bye Daddy" to your father as he leaves for work now instead of just "bye bye". There is still some difficultly (and frustration) on your part though when you talk your "Sim" talk and try desperately to communicate something to your parents but aren't understood. How annoying for you. YOU know what you are saying, why don't your confused Mum and Dad?

This weekend the family unit went to your Nana and Pop's holiday house with the notion of relaxing. What an exercise in futility that was! Even though we attempted to baby proof the tiny house as much as we could, you spent the whole time emptying the kitchen cupboards, opening the fridge and destroying the bedroom with the broken door handle. Needless to say we left far more tired than when we arrived and thus concluded that perhaps we should do our relaxing in our own, baby proofed home. We did go to the beach however, as the photo above shows, and you enjoyed it thoroughly.

JA, you are handsome, smart, sweet and adorable. You and your baby brother are everything to me.

Oh dear, I can smell something. A nappy change is in your future.

xoxoxo