Mrs Pants

A is for ...

2007-06-16T10:11:00.000+09:30

Ah! No time to post right now. I will try to get back to this as soon as I can. I've got to get this all out somewhere.

Put in my place

2007-05-20T06:48:00.000+09:30

On Thursday I came home from work feeling a little green due to stomach virus. I thought I'd have a bit of a rest on the couch before starting the late afternoon/evening routine. This was promptly vitoed though by Master Three who put his face very close to mine and said "Mummy you have to get up and start cooking!"

Seems my role has been clearly defined.

3 years and 1 month old

2007-04-07T21:26:00.000+09:30

I've made a resolution to blog more, so to ease myself back into it here is an entry largely made up of images.

My first boy turned 3 on the 3rd of March. THREE! Happy Belated birthday my gorgeous, cheeky, beautiful, naughty, energetic three year old.

0... 1... 2... 3...

Fresh out of the oven - about 1 hour old.

One year old.

Two years old.

Three years old.

!%$!*##!!!

2006-09-01T15:15:00.000+09:30

I wanna run away from home.

Today has been so shitful I just cannot wait until it's over. Had a difficult night with JM, who is cutting two teeth. He spent most of the night screaming his head off. This morning I had to have a blood test. I asked Mum to mind the boys while I went because I know I'd have to chase them around with a needle still pumping blood out of my arm.

I picked them up and while I was strapping the baby into his seat, the toddler decided to make a great escape and managed to run a house down Mum's street in the space of 2 seconds. He can now get out of his baby seat. What fun!

Get home and JM decides it's time to start yet another marathon whinge fest. I put on a DVD for JA to keep him amused because if I dared to put JM down for a second for a chance to, oh I don't know, go to the loo he screamed blue murder. He simply refused to go down for a nap despite the fact that he was extremely tired due to his lack of sleep the night before. He was still whinging when I held him but his volume control was only set to about 7 rather than the 5000 it was when he was not in my arms. Managed to get lunch into them, making sandwiches with the one hand while doing so. JA went down for a nap but JM refused. At this time I was developing quite a headache. Having a kid screaming in your ear for hours straight will do that. Oh, and I still haven't had a bite since breakfast.

After a time he calmed down and actually had a bit of a giggle while I played with him. This was short lived.

During all this time I have given him panadol, taken his temperature and generally made sure nothing too sinister was going on.

THEN JA started screaming for a cup of milk. I decided perhaps JM might actually go down for a nap. I made him a bottle, made a cup for JA and put the baby down in his cot with his bottle. Yes, I know very much a no no but desperate times call for desperate measures. He went down for a sleep. YAH! It was 3.30 in the afternoon but he was silent and sleeping all the same.

However, during this time JA discovered that I had left a nearly full 3 litre bottle of milk on the kitchen bench. When I was in the baby's room he decided to poor the whole freaking thing all over the kitchen floor.

My head was (is!) aching, the house an absolute mess and there was a pile of laundry waiting to be washed due to the great laundry weather we are having. I looked at the kitchen floor and, I am not ashamed to admit, burst into tears. Then I cleaned up the milk. In order to calm myself down a bit I got on the computer to just get it all out. I just know Mr Pants will get home from work and complain about the state of the house.

My Mum is coming over tonight for dinner. Roast chicken. I guess I better get started in amongst the mess. At least the baby is still sleeping.

My head hurts, my heart hurts.

One completed year!

2006-07-07T06:39:00.000+09:30

JM, my beautiful, bubalicious delight, in an hour and 18 minutes you will have fully completed your first year of life. 8.23am was the moment you entered the world on this day a year ago.

All day yesterday while I was at work, last night and this morning I kept remembering what I was doing a year ago. I was in a bit of pain - prelabour apparently, and was very anxious to finally meet you. I was also concerned about JA, as I had never spent a great deal of time away from him since his birth and had never spent a night without him under the same roof. My bags were in the car ready to head off in the morning as the three of us had to be at the hospital at 6am. My mum was all set to come over at 5.30am to look after your big brother and despite my best intentions the house was in a bit of a state of chaos. Having had a bit of a difficult pregnancy I was unable to get as much done as I would have liked. Nesting instinct or not!

We knew you were a boy and we knew I had to have another caesarean. You were in a breech position with one leg up near your little bottom and one up near your tummy. Not at all conducive for a more traditional birth. Having had to have a caesar with your big brother I was hoping that I experience labour and birth the 'natural' way but you had other ideas. I didn't mind though. I really only cared about you arriving healthy, happy and for me to be in reasonable shape afterwards.

I remember wondering if I would be as emotional as I was the day your big brother arrived. For some odd reason I thought that because I had experienced it all before it may not be as monumental as it was the first time. I was so very wrong. The moment I heard you for the first time and the moment I saw you for the first time I was as overwhelmed as I was with your brother. The incredibly feelings of love washed over me with such force that I felt a physical reaction in my body. I was in awe at how utterly beautiful you were and remember saying "Oh wow he is so cute!". A fact that was confirmed by many hospital staff afterwards. JM, you were an exceptionally pretty newborn. You are still exceptionally beautiful.

I remember your little bottom being so tiny it reminded me of a walnut. Huggies newborn nappies just swam on you. I remember they had to keep you in the nursery under some lights for a while because your body temperature was a bit low. I remember you screaming your head off during your first bath and feeling helpless because I was in a lot of pain after the operation and couldn't comfort you the way I wanted to. I cried because you cried and I hated seeing my new little baby so upset. I remember going with you for your heel prick test because I didn't with your brother and felt guilty about it. I remember feeling like I had been stabbed myself when you cried out in pain when the midwife took the blood from your foot.

I couldn't wait to get you home so we could begin life as a family of four. I remember all your clothes swamping you. I was given a 00000 outfit as a gift for you big brother when he was a baby (and already in 00s). It was the only thing that fit your properly for a while after your birth. It is these details that remind me of how utterly tiny you were.

Tomorrow we are having family over to celebrate. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY my beautiful little boy. You are now starting to walk and it still astonishes me just how much human beings achieve in their first years of life. It is truly phenomenal.

Your Daddy, your big brother and me your loving Mummy just adore you. We love you so much darling. Have a truly exceptional birthday as you are a truly exceptional baby!

10.5 Months

2006-05-21T07:50:00.000+09:30

Darling boy, Mama has been very slack with updating all your milestones and your general goings on but you've been living in this house and have been witness to the chaos that has prevented me from doing just that!

You are developing and growing at such a great pace that it's hard to catch up. You cut your two bottom teeth the last week of February and have just recently cut your two top teeth, last Monday in fact. Your brother's two top teeth adjacent to the middle ones cut first on the top, making him look like an extra in Buffy. I thought maybe you'd follow suit.

You are now furniture cruising with ease and practicing standing. You first stood independently for a few seconds the Sunday before Anzac day. The last couple of days however it's become a favourite past time. In fact, if I am on the floor with you and your brother you like to use a handful of my hair for a bit of support before you go solo. OUCH!!

Prior to this you've been an expert comando crawler. You like to crawl the good old fashioned way too, but have learned, for you, comando style gets you to your destination a lot faster. You look like one of the Commonwealth games swimmers in aerial view. You are just a pink blur!

I have to sheepishly and selfishly admit I was hoping you would wait a while before you became so mobile as you walking looks so imminent. It's hard keeping up with both of you as it is, with the both of you running around I will know I won't find a moment to catch my breath. As it is now I have to have a bit of a search for you if I leave a room you're in for a minute so see where you have gone. Often it's to another completely different part of the house. Little one you are FAST!

You have a great sense of humour and find so many things delightful and comical. It's a reminder for your Daddy and me that there is great joy in the little things of life.

Both you and your brother are beginning to enjoy more time together and your parents take great pleasure in watching the both of you grow up together. Despite everything that's going on we realise that this time in our lives is one of the best. Watching our beautiful boys grow and develop is an honour that we don't take for granted (most of the time!).

At this very moment you are steadying yourself on my leg, watching me type. You are just so beautiful JM, and sweet and funny.

You are so loved.

Miracles do happen

2006-05-04T21:56:00.000+09:30

Nothing short of a miracle has transpired here in this very house tonight. I gave the baby his goodnight kiss(es) and put him in his cot. He simply put his head down and went to sleep. No crying, not thrusting little arms up in the arm in a "pick me up Mummy don't be so cruuueelll" manner. I left the room and dared not hope.

Then I put the toddler to bed after his serve of Mum kisses. No leaping out of bed immediately, no running into the loungeroom exclaiming "NO NIGH NIGHS!! NO!". It's all so unfamilar but it's bliss.

Bedtime isn't as horrendous as I may be making out to be really. However, either one or the other, many times both, act up at bedtime fearing they are going to miss out on something really exciting. Sometimes this parenting thing can be hard, but the love that circulates in and around you just thinking about your children makes everything else fade in comparison.

Anyway...

I really must update about the milestones my two little men have been achieving. This blog is serving as a baby book of sorts so I can go back and fill them in when I can be arsed.

Slacko

2006-03-10T07:37:00.000+10:30

I've really neglected this blog. I will endeavour to update as much as possible when I have more than two seconds and one sane moment to myself.

What a big boy you are!

2006-01-13T20:47:00.000+10:30

Last night JA slept in his big boy bed for the very first time. We were worried we were tempting fate by allowing him to sleep in his cot any longer. He might just crack his skull open if he continues his nocturnal habit of climbing out. I bought a bed rail earlier this week and Mr Pants constructed it, moved the single bed into JA's room and away we went. He was very excited about the whole thing and we did build it up a bit for him in case he was feeling a bit bereft after moving the cot out of his room. After we put him to bed I kept on going in there to stroke his face and tell him what a big boy he was and of course how much his Mum loves him. I was rewarded with his gorgeous smiles but not much else because the poor kid was trying to get to sleep. I did this several times. I found the whole thing quite emotional really. I am not ashamed to admit I shed a few tears. Of course I got woken up at about 5am with a "You OK Mummy?". I would have been if I could get a decent nights sleep son o' mine.

And today, Mr poo pants told me when that he had 'poo poos' while tapping his nappy. I've been talking a lot to him all about his 'poos' and 'wees' because I am very much looking forward to him doing his biz in the loo. This kid had six shitty nappies today! AH.

So it seems my little boy is indeed growing up. One day you're taking your tiny 3 kilo bundle home from the hospital, bent over from your caesarean, wondering what in hell happens next then you have this walking, talking little midget sleeping in a normal bed telling you he has a turd in his pants.

Got Tagged!

2006-01-09T20:26:00.000+10:30

My very first! Got tagged by Zucchinis in Bikinis

Q)What were you doing 10 years ago?
A) My father had not long passed away so I was living with my Mum at the time so she wouldn't be alone. I was also looking for a decent contract as a secondary school teacher. Jeff Kennett was the Premier of Victoria and if you were a new teacher to the system you didn't get an ongoing position. It was all contract work. Just one of the many assholey things Kennett did in the State during his regime. When I left Mum's and was having to pay rent it was extremely stressful not knowing if you had employment for the next school term. When the Bracks government came in I was offered ongoing employment by the Department of Education. I was also quite into exercise at the time. I wish I could get back that enthusiasm.

Q)What were you doing 1 year ago?
A) Vomiting from morning sickness. I remember I had my first big spew (sorry to be so blunt but it is what is it) just after twelve weeks, when you are supposed to feel better. BUT it was around this time a year ago that I got great results from the nuchal translucency and blood test. With my first son I was got a high risk result and was strongly encouraged to have an amnio so getting low risk results was such a relief. I didn't realise how tense I was about this until I got the results - I actually felt like a physical weight was lifted. So a bit of chundering was nothing in comparison.

Five snacks you enjoy:
Chocolate, nectarines, corn chips, mint slices and cherries.

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Anything by The Wiggles, JA just loves them. At first their insipidness drove me mad but now I find myself humming their tunes. God help me; Planet Earth - Duran Duran;
Blue Hotel - Chris Isaak; Dear Prudence - The Beatles; Miss Molly had a Dolly... not too many lyrics I know but I sing it to JM and he loves it so it's in my head. In my version the doctor is a girly.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Buy a nicer and bigger house or pay off this one and renovate; buy my Mum whatever she wants; save a chunk for our retirement and as an education fund for the children;
go to New York and Europe; hire someone to clean the house on a regular basis.

If I'd been asked this question a couple of years ago I think I would have been much more altruistic and benevolent. Has motherhood made me more selfish?

Five bad habits:
Not cutting my toe nails often enough; spending too much money on impulse items; not hanging the washing when the spin cycle is complete. Sometimes I have to re-wash them as the load may have been sitting in the machine for a couple of days; eating chocolate; watching The Bold and the Beautiful.

Five things you like doing:
Being with my boys; watching a good film or television show; eating!; having a long soak in the bath; reading a decent book.

Five things you would never wear, buy or get new again:
Short skirts, but through necessity rather than fancy. I just can't get away with it anymore; tight jeans; a lot of bling; pink lipstick; sandals.

So this is the plan: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot

the state of indiana
watching me grow
Ready or Not
Zucchinis in Bikinis
Mrs Pants

Then select five people to tag:

Karma to Burn

Can't think of anyone else. Every other blog I read has already been tagged.

6 months - Happy Half Birthday

2006-01-07T19:40:00.000+10:30

Unlike your big brother you did not enjoy the pre-Christmas photo session but seemed to enjoy being our little Rock Star. And baby you are!

So little guy, you're 6 months old today (as of 8.23am). Daddy and I were supposed to go to a wedding today, but your Nana, my Mum, was ill and couldn't babysit. Daddy went alone (and slightly miffed because it means he has to control how much he drinks!) so it's just me and you boyos tonight.

This month you've become extremely mobile. You've been rolling a little but during the last month you've gone hell for leather and can move from one end of the room to the other in the time it takes me to make a cuppa. You tend to roll more from back to front but go can the other way around too. You also employ one of your brother's techniques from his infancy. You arch your back and push on your legs propelling you quite a distance. Changing your nappy has become a challenge unless you have a toy to occupy you.

You are a bit unsettled at night though. You can wake up anytime between 12 - 4am demanding, and I mean DEMANDING a fed. Nothing else will satisfy you. Because of this I started you on solids a little over a week ago thinking you are not getting enough during the day. Your brother used to fully drain his bottles, you on the other hand always leave some, sometimes half. The solids don't seem to have altered your night waking though. You do love the rice cereal but you are a bit luke warm on apple. You had pear for the first time today and seemed to enjoy it. Pumpkin will be next on the menu, I just have to cook it! So little one, how about trying for an all nighter sometime soon huh? Your poor old Mummy would appreciate it.

On Tuesday you had your 6 month check up at the Maternal and Child Care centre and are a little under the 50th percentile for weight. Your brother was a good couple of kilos bigger than you at the same age. For some reason I thought feeding would go the same way as it did with your brother but of course you are both individuals. So you are a littler bundle than your big brother. You also have a lot less hair than he did at the same age with even bluer eyes and lighter hair colouring, but I do see a lot of similarities too, especially in your mannerisms. I have the distinct feeling that you are going to be as big a monkey as he is at his age!

You celebrated your first Christmas this last month too! You didn't seem to really understand what was going on, nor able to enjoy the massively large bounty we seem to indulge in year, but you did enjoy the pretty lights on the Christmas tree. You also scored big present wise. We need to build another house just to store all the toys that seem to be multiplying.

Giggling has become a favourite pasttime of yours and anyone who pays you the slightest bit of attention is able to elicit a gorgeous belly laugh. That sound Darling, and the sound of your brother's laughter is sweeter music than a whole choir of heavenly angels. It still melts my heart to hear it.

Well Mum is getting tired so may just go and veg in front of the telly even though there is nothing decent to watch despite the fact that we have subscription television.

I love you bunny boy more and more each day. Stay the sweetypie that you are.

22 Months

2006-01-06T21:04:00.000+10:30

Here's you getting into the Christmas spirit. Mummy tried to get some photos of you and 'bubby' dressed in silly outfits (possibly as future blackmail material) but your little brother cottoned on to me. You on the other hand were all too happy to ham it up for the camera.

Mummy's been a bad, bad blogger. She has failed to update her blog for sometime and has made the horrendous error of missing marking the end of your 22nd month of life. This occured 2 days ago on the 4th. When do I stop marking off your monthly milestones? It seems a bit silly to do it after you hit the 2-4! We'll see.

You've taken to climbing out of your cot you cheeky little monkey. You are able to deftly and silently get out of your cot and then proceed to frighten ten years off my life by visiting me in the dead of night. Of course you have to bring your entourage with you. It started off with just your teddy, but Daddy bought you a Woody (Toy Story) from America and Santa brought you an Astro Boy and all three are your must have bed time companions. Looks like it's time for a big boy bed for you little man. We have a bed for you, we just have to buy a bed rail. Do you know how hard this is for your Mum? You are growing up so fast, pretty soon you'll be asking for the car keys and telling me to get lost (or similar!)

You seemed to enjoy Christmas a little more this year and was fascinated by the Christmas tree and the various 'bubbles' hanging off of it. Even though we encased it in a playpen you were still able to strip many ornaments off it. I am still looking for some. Where did you post them? I just know that I will pack them all away, put them up in the hard to reach place they live as they are only accessed once a year, and will find the wayward ornaments.

Santa though was not the highlight of the festive season for you. Your little brother thought visiting Santa was hilarious and his giggling and enjoyment was equally matched by your distress and tears. I didn't subject you to it for long although I had to be in the photo sans makeup and looking rather frumpy. Perhaps future blackmail material for you!

You now say please (peazzz) and thank you (tank oh) spontaneously but you've been introduced to the corner. Your Dad and I have started to employ Super Nanny techniques because, my boy, you are ready to learn what's what.

What else have you been up to this month? Let's see, you've destroyed three books, two DVDs and a CD. Not bad for a months work.

You truly are a monkey little one, but we wouldn't have it any other way.

I love you heaps and heaps and loads and loads.

5 Months

2005-12-07T19:26:00.000+10:30

JM, Honey Bunny, today you are 5 whole months old. I thought your brother's early months whizzed by, but my God you are going through yours at breakneck speed. Slow down baby boy, what is your hurry? I can't even report about anything new you may have done this month. It has gone in the blink of an eye.

You still aren't too fond of tummy time but neither was your brother and he did all the physical things that are expected of you wee people on time or before so I am not overly concerned. You are a flailing ball of limbs when you have floor time Bunny, and it is so cute. It's usually in response to seeing me - you can't contain your excitement. Let me tell you my gorgeous little boy, it makes your Mum's heart miss a beat. When things get a bit too much I remember I am loved by the two sweetest little human beings on this earth. A love that is returned back to you both one million times more.

Unfortunately your big brother, while still adoring you, has also taken to tiny snippets of jealousy. I think your Dad being away has hightened this streak. I am so sorry munchkin - please know your brother loves you it's just that he is so incredibly little himself and hasn't quite yet learned to control his emotions.

There is something undeniably sweet about you JM. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I sense that you are going to do something really great with your life. Perhaps it is just proud parent bias.

As you already know the milk factory closed down a couple of months ago. We both gave it our best Darling. I just want you to know that I tried so very hard to get it to work out for us but it just wasn't to be. I am sorry.

I love you Bunny. xoxoxoxo

Mr Pants-less

2005-12-06T12:54:00.000+10:30

Mr Pants left for America on Saturday to attend a conference and present a paper. He'll be back on Sunday. My dear Mum has moved in to keep me company and help out. We are all missing him (but I have to admit that it's lovely to have the toilet seat permanently down, especially in the middle of the night.)

JA has been on automatic whinge mode almost constantly since his Dad left. He is sticking to me like a barnacle, constantly wanting hugs and reassurance. Poor little man! I am divided by wanting to take care of him and make sure his is as OK as possible and wanting to be able to stratch my nose uninhibited. I am also feeling really disgusting. I've had a bad cough/cold for over a week that has now turned into a sore throat and an ear infection. When both of the boys are requiring attention it is so difficult. Praise all the angels in heaven that Mum is here. Who knows how I'd cope without her. The woman deserves many medals.

Off to cough my lungs up.

21 Months

2005-12-04T08:41:00.000+10:30

Today Mr Poops you are 21 months old. Yes, that's right 21 whole months. Pretty soon you'll be asking for the car keys and telling us to sod off!

Unfortunately, you are spending your monthly birthday feeling pretty sick with a bad cough and cold. One you've have also shared with your Mummy and baby brother. Your poor little nose is getting red from all the nose wiping because you are now officially a snot factory. A good night's sleep is alluding you as a coughing fit takes hold. You poor, sweet chicken. You and I make a good chorus in the middle of the night don't we?

You've certainly been imposing your will onto us and challenging us at every turn. Nothing escapes your notice and you grab everything within your reach despite our best efforts to remove things. You use one of your toys as a makeshift step ladder in order to achieve this. The person who built this house orginally obviously didn't intend to have little people living in it as the door handles are quite low and you are able to reach these standing on your toes. You especially love to go into the room your little brother is napping in. Darling boy, you are exhausting me!

Yesterday your Daddy left in a big metal bird all the way to America for a conference for work. We are all going to miss him terribly, but especially you I suspect. You love your Daddy more than anyone else on this planet so I am sure his not being here will cause you some concern. Don't worry, he'll be home in a week and we have Nana here (my Mummy) to help out and keep us company.

You are still out little chatterbox. I especially love it when you say bottles or bubbles. You pronounce them bott-uwles/bubb-uwles. So very, very cute!

Well I have to go because brutha wants me.

Loads of love to you JA woo! Cuddles your Mummy.

Pregnancy free Christmas

2005-11-29T19:37:00.000+10:30

For the last couple of weeks I have been unable to shake the feeling that I may be pregnant again. I have been experiencing certain things that I've only ever felt when I was in the family way. Indigestion, back pain in a certain area, the unrelenting feeling that I am going to throw my guts up, gagging every time I brush my teeth and of course the lack of a visit from Aunt Flo. I've also been plagued by extreme tiredness, but looking after two after two, working parttime and keeping up with the house (or at least trying to), I was not surprised to feel a wee bit fatigued.

Mr Pants expressed a desire for some hot crumpets tonight and I offered to go to the supermarket to purchase some as we also needed some milk, bread oh and possibly a pregnancy test.

It was the first time in my entire life I took a pregnancy test, in the countless number of pregnancy tests I've taken, that I wished it would be negative. Not that I wouldn't welcome another little one. A third (and final) child is definitely on the agenda - just not now. I am not emotionally, financially and physically ready for a third child. I haven't lost the weight from pregnancy #2 (or #1 for that matter). We'd need a bigger car and an extension on our home. I am sure my principal would be extremely pissed off too, considering I have just returned to work.

Anyway, I did the test a little while ago and it is undeniably negative. While I definitely felt instant relief I have to admit a tiny part of me felt a bit sad.

At least I can enjoy a couple of glasses of good red and/or champagne this Christmas. The last two Christmas's's's and New Years I've been pregnant.

But it does beg the question - why am I experiencing all these symptoms?

Rainy days and Mondays

2005-11-22T09:50:00.000+10:30

Haven't had the inclination to blog lately. This time of year always seems to leave me feeling extremely lethargic, apathetic and depressed. Every. single. spring.

I am finding things that wouldn't ordinarily bother me, irritating me to extremes. Example. Our across the road neighbours have about 10 cars. They are a family with three adult children and each family member, including the parents, seem to have at least 2 vehicles each. They usually line each side of the road despite the fact that they have an extensive, concreted driveway which seems to be always clear. (Unless one of them is washing a car there with their bleeding Duff Duff music blaring). It makes backing out of the driveway quite difficult, especially when I have both boys in the back. I have a little car. It has started to really piss me off that I have to forward, turn the steering wheel, reverse and turn the steering wheel at least three times each every single time I back out my car that is practically matchbox sized.

Also, I had to order a newspaper from the day of JM's birth as the person who promised me they had kept their one for him in a very safe place (as I was kind of occupied on that day, otherwise I would have purchased one myself) finally told me they had thrown "that old thing' out weeks ago. I had to order one from Paperworld at a cost of $41. JA has the papers from his day of birth, and I am trying to nip the 'second child syndrome' thing in the bud. What you do for one, you have to do for the other.

There have been other minor events that have made my blood boil. I must try to consider how little these things are in scheme of things and get on with the important stuff but I am finding it difficult with my current state of mind.

Onto much nicer things.... My boys.

Both had a visit to the Maternal and Child health nurse yesterday. JA for his 18 - 21 month assesment, JM for his 4 month one. JA was given a series of tasks to complete (building a tower with four tiny, wooden blocks with no connectors, drawing, sitting, talking, pointing to facial features, turning pages in a book and pointing at things etc). He passed with flying colours but got very frustrated with nursey when he was enjoying one activity to have it taken away from him to perform another. His language is at a 2 year old level as he is now talking in sentences. Usually starting with "I WANT" though. hehehe.

JM is doing well. He is one centimetre taller than his brother was at a similar age, but is 300 grams lighter. He certainly doesn't seem to have the same appetite his brother had. She was a bit concerned about a little head lag when she pulled him up into a sitting position, but as he held his head well when on his tummy and when lifted she appeared to soften. She is lovely, but a bit of a panic merchant.

When I told her that the baby spends a lot of time in our bed, she started to scold me exclaiming I was creating a rod for my own back. JA co-slept with us until my pregnancy bump got too big and our bed couldn't accomodate the four of us. We got him sleeping in his cot in his own room in a week without having to use control crying, so I am ignoring her advice. They are babies for such a tiny moment - there is plenty of time for him to be in his own room. I want to drink in his innocent, baby gorgeousness as it is so fleeting. We still find it hard to fathom that our firstborn is already a walking, talking little man with a will of iron.

Scary night

2005-11-08T13:54:00.000+10:30

Yesterday evening JM was running a temperature. He felt extremely hot to the touch and the thermometer was giving a number of different readings but they were all too high for my liking. I gave him baby panadol, stripped him to his singlet and nappy and took his temperature constantly hoping it would go down. I rang the Maternal and Child Health line and was told by the very lovely nurse that he was OK but to keep an eye on him. He was due a feed but wasn't interested and he seemed to become slightly floppy. My heart lept to my throat. It was 7.30pm and our GP was closed so I went straight to emergency at Sandy hospital, which thankfully is only a five minute drive away. Mr Pants stayed home with JA. (Poor JA - I was told later he was a bit disturbed at the speed of my departure and was asking for Mummy).

On arrival the triage nurse took his temperature and it had gone down significantly. She told me I could go home if I wanted but could stay and see a doctor in a while. I elected to stay just to be sure. We settled down in the waiting room where JM perked up considerably and was charming all the other would be patients. He then took his feed and fell asleep in my arms.

Three hours later and after some rather rough handling by the doctor, he was given the all clear.

It was only a minor incident but it scared the living heck out of me.

I hate it when my boys get sick. It tears my heart apart.

Stay safe little boys. xoxoxoxo

4 Months

2005-11-07T15:20:00.000+10:30

Today, my darling child, you turn 4 months old. This last month you've really discovered your voice. You love to 'ahhhhhhh' and a-goo' in a sing song voice all times of the day and night. You especially love to give the old pipes a spin at around 3am which I don't mind. It's actually a lovely way for you to tell me you wouldn't mind a feed.

You have also started to really giggle, which to your Mum is the bestest sound in the entire world. The sound of your brother's laugher still makes my heart melt and now that you've discovered your funny bone it's all that I can stand. It is only I that can make you absolutely cack yourself. That makes your Mum feel very special.

I can't believe how mobile you've become. You are able to propel yourself by pushing with your legs, lordy son you're only 4 months old. I suppose you have mobility envy watching your brother tear around the place.

Yesterday we held a party in your honour. You were celebrated by your Mum and Dad's immediate family and dutifully fussed over and constantly told how utterly beautiful you are. Well deserved and all true. It was a hot day too and you held up well. Much baby head wetting went on but the only beverage on offer for you was milk. You didn't seem to mind though.

Love to you my little-er man. You are such a delight gorgeous one and very very loved. You aren't my tiny little baby anymore, but I am so enjoying getting to see and know your own personality. Your Dad, brother and I are so lucky to have you as a member of our family.

20 Months

2005-11-04T08:50:00.000+10:30

Today my darling JA you turn 20 months old. Is it really only four short months away until you turn two? Didn't we just celebrate your first birthday which was a shock within itself?

This month you started child care, you've only attended three days so far. Days one and two went beautifully but you broke my heart on day three by crying as I was leaving. Thankfully you settled down eventually but I really had to will my legs to carry me out. We hope that all is well by the time I return to parttime work on the 15th of this month.

You are very protective of your baby bruffa aka brother. You tolerate other grown up type people handling him but heaven protect the child that dares venture near your younger sibling. Hell hath no fury and all that.

2004, the year in which you were born, was the year of the monkey and boy howdy are you ever. Ain't no piece of furniture, playground equipment or park high enough to keep you from climbing. Our shelves, even those well above your reach, are now devoid of any articles but packed away for their safekeeping. Although many a CD and DVD has given it's life to your curious explorations prior to the evacuation.

Your language continues to grow and now you are putting a couple of words together. For example, you say "Bye Daddy" to your father as he leaves for work now instead of just "bye bye". There is still some difficultly (and frustration) on your part though when you talk your "Sim" talk and try desperately to communicate something to your parents but aren't understood. How annoying for you. YOU know what you are saying, why don't your confused Mum and Dad?

This weekend the family unit went to your Nana and Pop's holiday house with the notion of relaxing. What an exercise in futility that was! Even though we attempted to baby proof the tiny house as much as we could, you spent the whole time emptying the kitchen cupboards, opening the fridge and destroying the bedroom with the broken door handle. Needless to say we left far more tired than when we arrived and thus concluded that perhaps we should do our relaxing in our own, baby proofed home. We did go to the beach however, as the photo above shows, and you enjoyed it thoroughly.

JA, you are handsome, smart, sweet and adorable. You and your baby brother are everything to me.

Oh dear, I can smell something. A nappy change is in your future.

xoxoxo

Childcare

2005-10-24T20:36:00.000+09:30

Tomorrow Mr Poo Poo man aka JA is starting childcare.

He is being 'orientated' while I am still at home in case it turns into a complete disaster and he either burns the centre down or has a mental breakdown. Neither of which is likely. The fact is, I decided to have him start a little early is to help me cope better with the whole prospect of actually leaving him at a place that is not his or his grandparents home. It's a concept that I am having a difficult time coming to terms with. I know it had to be done and I know he will benefit hugely from it as he is a social little mite. I think I have identified this anxiety as me mourning for the time I spent at home with my two boys. It's back to work again even if it is only for 2 days per week and my time at home exclusively being Mummy will be a precious memory. I know the day I have to leave them BOTH (the baby is going to be cared for by my wonderful mum) I will need some heavy duty tissues.

In other news I finally got the roll of film used in the operating room when JM was born developed. The delivery of the digital camera came one day after the delivery of the baby. The photo of the actual birth is way more graphic than JAs one. It apparently caused some concern for the girl who processed the film. I often wondered how closely they looked at the photographs of their clients.

Great big buckets of love to both my boys. xoxoxo

Back to reality

2005-10-20T21:02:00.000+09:30

Here's JA about 2 months ago, so he would have been 17.5 months. He had highjacked his Dad's box as he was trying to pack away the bottles of his recently brewed beer. And where JA goes, so does Teddy.

I am returning to work, 2 days a week, next month. I've been trying to get JA a child care place for months now and have finally found him one. The added bonus is a girl I used to babysit as an infant just started working there. It makes me feel a whole lot better knowing she will be one of the two people in his 'room'. I was feeling 12 different types of worry about this whole child care thing - some of those worries have lessened somewhat now.

His vocab is improving in leaps and bounds. This morning when I got the littliest lad out of bed JA looked at us and said "Mummy and Baby!". Warms the cockles of my heart.

JM will be looked after by my Mum. I can't stand the though of putting both my little babies in child care, and it is too much for her to take care of them both, considering the hurricane with legs that JA is.

JA loves hanging with his people so I know he will enjoy child care.

Bye bye boobie, bye bye

2005-10-16T21:36:00.000+09:30

I have almost completely weaned JM off the boob. Well, in fact he's been off the boob for a few weeks now, having completely refused to attach. I have a very low milk supply. His cries can directly be translated as "Take that thing away and bring me a proper meal woman!" But I've been expressing. I express about just under a bottle's worth over a 24 hour period. After 14.5 weeks I just can't do it anymore.

A bit of history first.

When I was pregnant with JA I instantly knew I wanted to breast feed. I think we are all well versed in the benefits of breastfeeding. I promptly read all the related literature I could get my hands on as I'd heard that being well informed helped to make breast feeding successful. I didn't really research bottle feeding because it wasn't what I had planned. When JA was born I wanted to put him on the breast as soon as I possibly could. From the beginning he never really sucked well but the midwives at the hospital did their level best to help me. I was put on the milking machine pretty early on as well to try and establish a supply. Afer a few days a midwife gently suggested he get a top up with formula. I asked if we could hold out a little bit longer, I didn't want to sabotage the whole feeding thing. The next day it became evident however that the poor kid was getting increasingly hungry and irritable so I relented and a bottle was delivered. He sucked on that thing for dear life. The poor thing was starving. From that moment on I offered the boob, then a bottle of formula, then expressed what was left to feed him at the next feed with the formula. While in the hospital (I was in a private hospital and stayed six days because I'd had a caesar), I made sure I gleaned as much info as I could from the collective wisdom of the midwives and saw a couple of lactation consultants. By the time I left to go home JA was definitely showing signs on not wanted anything to do with this boob caper, it was took much effort for such a tiny gain. I persisted, went to boob school (aka the breastfeeding clinic), rang the ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) and again saw lactation consultants. I went on maxalon and fenugreek as these have been known to increase supply. JA simply refused to attach after about a week so I formula fed and expressed. There is nothing lonelier than using a breast pump at 3 o'clock in the morning. The most I expressed in one sitting was 10mls. My supply just wasn't established and my heart breaking decision was to wean and simply formula feed. 10mls at the most of breast milk just didn't seem worth it. Weaning was not something I had wanted to do but I did it with the support of the maternal and child health nurse, the lactation consultant and my hubs. I grieved over the fact that I couldn't control this. It didn't seem fair somehow.

I found that a large number of people asked me how I fed my baby. Like it was any of their concern? I felt compelled to explain myself everytime. I got a number of strangers in parent rooms in shopping centres asking me why I was bottle feeding and didn't I know breast is best? The first time that happened I promptly burst into a fit of tears. The second time I got angry and the third time I wanted to smash their smug little face in.

When I got pregnant with JM I was committed to giving breastfeeding another go. But I was sure I wouldn't allow myself to get as emotionally invested in it as I did last time. JM took to it a lot better than JA and for the majority of the first week I was all he needed. I started to gain confidence that it may work out this time. Then things started to change. He started to get irritable and wouldn't settle after a feed. I knew what was coming. I started taking motilium, fenugreek and blessed thistle and they seemed to boost my supply. Not enought to breastfeed alone but at least he got something. I went back to boob school and back to the ABA. I resigned myself to combining boob and bottle. However, as the weeks went on I found I was comping him with breast rather than bottle and my supply was diminishing even with the herbs and medication. I get 20mls at each express now and he, like his big brother, is insulted when he's presented with the boob. Hence the decision to wean again. I am expressing but less and less each day. Soon I'll be pumping a dry well.

I loved breastfeeding. I loved the fact that I alone still nurtured my babies long after they left my body. I loved the closeness of it. I loved looking down at my gorgeous, gorgeous boys and watching them feed. But it wasn't to be.

Beautiful boy

2005-10-10T08:02:00.000+09:30

Beautiful boy
Originally uploaded by mrs_pants.

JM, son#2, at 2.5 months.

Opinions, advice and not minding your own - Part 1

2005-10-08T20:05:00.000+09:30

When I found out I first pregnant in mid 2003 I knew that I'd be flooded with advice and opinions. Some useful, some not so and some just plain bizarre. Every newly pregnant couple and new parents expect it - it's almost like a right of passage. What was unexpected though was the plethora offensive, judgmental crap spewing forth from strangers and people who should know better.

1. The number one way to annoy me is to ask "Is he a good baby?" Nah actually he has just taken up worshipping satan and yesterday I caught him on the internet looking up how to make a bomb! What they are asking of course is he difficult to settle and does he cry a lot. Like babies are being cheeky and defiant by having the audacity to cry. Stupid!

2. Both my babies were born via caesarean section. #1 because I had pre-eclampsia and he had to come out then and there, two weeks early, or we both would have died. My body wasn't anywhere near ready for an induction. My obstetrician was the one who, after examining me, came to that conclusion. Apparently she knows less than the asshat who could barely construct a coherent sentence who told me I had cheated and could have waiting and gone into labour naturally. Regardless of the fact that my blood pressure almost blew the cuff off the BP machine, my extremities were swollen like footballs and my kidneys were failing. #2 was breech, with one leg up near his belly, the other tucked under his bum. Even with the episiotomy from hell a natural birth would have been near on impossible.
My boys aren't entitled to birthdays it seems as I've been told didn't give birth. Someone will have to inform hallmark that they need to print Happy Caesar Day cards for these occasions. Silly me, I was only concerned with my babies being born breathing and having everything where it should be. Dickheads!

3. Continuing on the caesar thing - caesars are supposedly the easy way out. Major abdominal surgery coupled with quite excessive pain is easy apparently.

Coming soon... how the Catholic church has nothing on the breastfeeding nazis when it comes to guilt.

3 months

2005-10-07T14:27:00.000+09:30

Today, my wee one, you turn 3 months old. You have already grown from a tiny little bean into a smiley, giggly bundle of baby goodness. I love how, when we look at eachother, I see reflected in your eyes, your dad, your big brother and myself. You are one of us but you are definitely your own person. You love talking to yourself now and you watch your brother with awe and fascination. Your big brother thinks you are pretty special too, but you have had to endure the occasional eye poke or affectionate slap on the head when Mum and Dad aren't quick enough. You've developed tears now and when I see your face wet with tears it cuts into my heart.

You are a lovely, delightful little person and we are so lucky to have you in our family. I love you bunny!

Conversations with dumb people

2005-10-05T06:45:00.000+09:30

I was in a shop yesterday and this is a conversation I had with the sales assistant. I had the wee one with me, Mum had JA.

HER: What a gorgeous baby!!
(No prizes there - he is bew-ti-ful)

ME: Thanks.

HER: How old is he?

ME: He'll be three months on Friday.

HER: God he's big!

ME: Well actually, according to the health nurse he's completely average.

HER: Yeah? What would she know?

19 Months

2005-10-04T07:37:00.000+09:30

JA, son#1, turns 19 months old today. In the last month he has become a yoghurt and Wiggles addict. He asks for "Giggly Party" (Wiggly Party) constantly and when a refusal is given starts whining parrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttteeeeeeee relentlessly. Remembering Super Nanny's advice I don't relent even though for the sake of some momentary peace the thought is very attractive. Distraction works some of the time. He has also taken to taking the lid off his cups and tipping water everywhere and a whole array of other destructive activities to keep Mum occupied!

But when he puts his arms around my neck, his face next to mine and squeezes hard all is forgiven.

I love you so much poo poo man!

Serenity now!

2005-10-01T20:35:00.000+09:30

Insanity later.

What a day! I got absolutely NOTHING done except feed, clothe and bathe my babes. Either one or the other was completely demanding of my attention. Son #1 (JA) flexed his toddler muscles and smeared banana and cheese into the carpet, spilt 250mls of water all over the kitchen floor and tried to drink his baby shampoo. Son #2 (JM) was very clingy and would literally howl whenever I put him down for a second. He has just started shedding real tears now which makes his crying especially sad. Mr_Pants was working furiously in the garden trying to prepare our house for a party we are having next month to celebrate the birth of our beautiful second born. The house looks like a tornardo has been through it. Before I had children I was the classic anal retentive. My clothes were hung uni-directionally, in length and colour order and I had matching hangers. Every drawer, cupboard and shelf was perfect. I dusted the skirting boards weekly for God sake. Now I am lucky when I can find the toothpaste and a clean pair of knickers in the morning.

My heart aches I love my boys so much but some days are so hard.

You know you're a sad bint when..

2005-09-28T07:55:00.000+09:30

You are disappointed that you missed a great deal on loo rolls at Bi-Lo.

Third time lucky....

2005-09-18T22:00:00.000+09:30

This is the third time I've attempted to start this blog. Shyness combined with terror has stopped me in the past. I've just become such a blog-a-holic and figured why not give it a go myself. I don't guarantee any witty prose, I am not a gifted writer, so this blog will just be a chronicle of my life.

So onto the obligatory introductory entry.

Not really into giving out real names. I've been harassed before (over a soap opera no less) so I will henceforth be known as Mrs Pants. I've been married for 7 years to, surprisingly, Mr Pants.

Last year we had our first youngun. Son number 1 was born on the 4th March 2004 and immediately brought a new light and wonderfulness into our lives. We just adore him (as parents do). We enjoyed being new parents so much we decided not to wait too long for number two and so I got pregnant with Son number 2 when #1 was 7 months old. So obviously, there are 16 months between them. Son number 2 was born on 7th July 2005. Another totally beautiful little boy who has proven to be a total joy and our lives have become even brighter. He is only 10 weeks and some days old so is still a tiny bundle. We have birthed two really beautiful looking kids (said with no bias at all of course, although a couple of hospital staff commented on the beauty of Son #2 and I get stopped in shops re: Son #1's gorgeousness!) We want to try for #3 one day but we are going to have a bigger gap next time around. I had two ceasars in a row (reasons reserved for future entries) and need time to forget the pain!

We live in Melbourne, Australia. I am a secondary school teacher, currently on long service leave and will be returning to work part-time in November. I am currently fighting the battle of the bulge and am giving the CSIRO well being diet a go. Truth be known I am a barge ass at the moment.

So there you go, first entry.